Homesickness

When I first left Canada to travel in 2005, I marvelled at how I seemed impervious to homesickness. Every month away seemed like a prize or a gift. I was heard to say that I was having the best time of my life. I was away about 9 months - the accumulation of which seemed a blissful eternity - and my return to Canada was for musical reasons, not from homesickness.

Once back home, I was restless and anxious to leave again. And so I did, after about 8 months. Since then, I've essentially been in one place - Wellington, New Zealand. The first year here was mostly exciting - I adjusted to the different weather and climate, and I dived into the culture and music. I felt that I'd like to stay longer, so I did.

It is now pushing two years of being away, and I've noticed a growing confusion, and a longing for Canada, and North America in general. The confusion results, in part, from setting up a home - a place to live - away from the environment that I've always known to be home. Once I did this, I grew to realize that I was no longer travelling - and the question "how long is this for?" appeared. And I haven't been able to produce an answer to that. I won't go into the various complexities involved.

I often think of my friends in Canada; I miss them. I sat down and wrote their names, their full names, and the names of their partners, and their children's names - if I could remember them. Many of these friends I've known for nearly 15 years. Some of them only a few years - yet in some cases we managed to form bonds as strong as those of longer friendships. Writing this list was bittersweet - I'm happy to remember and cherish people, and I'm sad that we are so distant - literally and figuratively.

I've grown homesick. Missing friends, growing out-of-touch with family, longing for the Canadian and North American environment - this is it - homesickness. New Zealand is a beautiful place (from the small bits I've actually seen), and Wellington is a very happening city. Yet I have to work at appreciating where I am and the things that I've accomplished. I almost daily take a walk and feel some peace from my environment - I have it pretty good here. But a great deal of the time I feel a default confusion and longing - a displacement. How long is this for?

I'll discover the answer when I'm ready. Meanwhile, I will officially (anything on my blog is official, ha ha) admit that I am homesick. I miss you Canada. I miss you, North America. Please don't reject me, for I have not rejected you.

Oh yeah, p.s. please find my podcast from my website, listen to it, like it, and tell your friends about it. Done.

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